Wailing WalMart

Things I've been asked at the Wal-Mart (please note, there are two WalMarts in my new town: The Good one and The One-That-Sucks. They are both the same and they both suck):

1) "Do you know a lot about computers?" Thanks for noticing that I wear glasses!
2) "Do you think I sound like Fran Fine?" Um, I don't know who that is.
3) "Do you mind waiting? I'm going to make a strawberry dessert and I forgot the cake and jello mix!!" You people eat everything and just don't give a fuck, do you?

So. The WalMart: Center of the Real Universe.
Before Oklahoma, I had never been to WalMart, but when we got here we needed to eat. Since it was after 9 everything else was closed. Serious, this town is wild. The first thing you notice on your first WalMart visit? Nothing...absolutely nothing. Your brain just shuts off completely. Two dollars for a gross of plastic hangars? Put 'em in the cart!! Never mind the screams of those underage chinese workers! We NEED this Swiffer NOW! The next things you notice are the glazed stares of everyone there. The shoppers and the workers have the same 1,000 yard stare that you only see on the faces of people who have suffered some huge recent tragedy. Spooky, really. Especially when it's half empty and you stumble across someone staring forlornly at a set of steak knives. I've since learned that it's best to get in, do your business and get out quick like you're planning a bank heist.

So, we loaded up a cart with a bunch of garbage, a bag of frozen dinner and in the parking lot we freaked out and tearfully realized: We are in Oklahoma.